Should I Forgive the Guy Who Ghosted and Blocked Me?

Posted by: | Posted on: June 17, 2019
Should I Forgive the Guy Who Ghosted and Blocked Me?

I wasn’t really interested in meeting Ben at first, but he was rather persistent. Not creepy. Just persistent. I still wanted to delete the app because I was rather burned out and about to travel a lot for work. However, I decided to send him my number anyways and just see what happened. I also deleted my dating app as planned. Against my better judgement I decided to date this man. My guy the entire time was making me apprehensive.

What made me apprehensive? Not his consistent pursuit and attention. He called and texted every day, met my parents, and before we slept together on the 5th date we both bet open about what physical intimacy meant. For me, I said it was meaningful and not something I took lightly or casually. For him, he admitted I would be the first since his wife and that’d it’d be rather emotional, but we were on the same page. What made me apprehensive is he was recently divorced. I’m talking he sent me the first message on the dating 6 weeks post-divorce and his wife left him after she met someone else.

We only dated about 2 months, but I fell hard. Then it ended. I got back from a trip, we made plans for lunch the next day and he blocked me. Literally blocked my number. We were talking on the phone and texting as if all was fine up until then. He had a valuable piece of jewelry of mine. I was so upset that my mom had to call him to make sure I’d get the jewelry. Only then did he reach out and tell me “I was a wonderful woman, but he wasn’t ready. And he was sorry and he put the jewelry in the mail.”

I learned


Is it Cool to Have a Ghostwriter Write to Men for You on Dating Apps?

Posted by: | Posted on: June 13, 2019
Is it Cool to Have a Ghostwriter Write to Men for You on Dating Apps?

I started e-Cyrano online dating profile writing in 2003.

We were written about in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal and hundreds of other publications. 

The story was juicy. Online dating was going mainstream for the first time, and specialists were popping up to serve a growing population.

The story was juicy. Online dating was going mainstream for the first time, and specialists were popping up to serve a growing population.

I came up with the idea when I took my George W. Bush $300 tax credit and used it to have a professional resume writer take a crack at my resume (even though I was a writer). Next thing I knew, I was working for JDate in 2002 and saw the same lame profiles you see today. A business was born.

Online dating profiles led to online dating coaching, which led to dating coaching, which led to relationship coaching, and well, here we are.

Then I readthis New York Times feature on a woman who handles your dating apps and I felt a negative energy. It’s not that I was envious (which is true) or that I should spend more time promoting e-Cyrano (which is also true), it’s that this business model feels out of integrity to me.

e-Cyrano involves a questionnaire that takes hours and a phone interview where we compile all of your words into a profile that’s 95% you and 5% e-Cyrano.

These companies involve a literal Cyrano – someone pretending to be you, writing your emails and texts, actually interacting with another person under false pretenses.

Put another way: how would you feel if you discovered a man hired someone to flirt with you under his name? Pretty creepy, no?

I’ve long had the opportunity – and many requests – …


To Compare Is To Despair: How To Control Jealousy And Insecurity

Posted by: | Posted on: June 12, 2019
To Compare Is To Despair: How To Control Jealousy And Insecurity

Today in this video, John Keegan explains why “To Compare is to Despair”: by comparing your self to others you are playing a dangerous game of self sabotage.

True, a select few people use comparison to fuel their success, but those are far and few between. For this reason things such as social media, where people are painting this fake persona and picture of their (fake) “Perfect” lives, is extremely toxic to one’s mental health. It puts a halt on progression out of sheer jealousy and frustration.

Be yourself don’t let others alter your path.

The post To Compare Is To Despair: How To Control Jealousy And Insecurity appeared first on David Wygant.

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My Husband Refuses to Have Sex with Me

Posted by: | Posted on: June 10, 2019
My Husband Refuses to Have Sex with Me

My husband and I got married just over 3 years ago. Since then, I’ve been completely starved of sex and intimacy! My husband is a workaholic and is constantly too tired for sex. He also seems to have difficulty maintaining an erection.

When I talk to him about it, he just tells me he’s too tired for sex. He won’t see a doctor to see if there is anything he can do/take to help with this.

It’s now been two years since we have had sex and I feel like I am dying inside. I feel so neglected and unwanted. I feel like I have no options but to suck it up and deal with it or leave.

At 37 years old, I can’t imagine never having sex or affection in my life again!

But I have a young daughter and also can’t imagine tearing my family apart or being single again. Is there anything I can do? I feel paralyzed with indecision.

Amy

Sorry about your predicament, Amy. It sounds brutal.

I’ve written about boyfriends who want sex less than their girlfriends, and boyfriends who never want sex before.

But after twelve years of answering questions on here, the letter that most came to mind was this one: “I Married a Great Guy. Why Am I So Unhappy?”

Money quote: “He’s very, um, hardworking. On weekends, he’s gone by 6 a.m. and doesn’t come home until dinner — sometimes after. That’s EVERY weekend.” 

That couple doesn’t have a marriage. That couple has a shared living arrangement.

Sounds like you do, too.

I don’t know what pains you’ve taken to remedy this situation. Couples counseling. Date night. Sex therapy. Viagra. All I know is that, in any relationship, it takes two to tango.

I don’t know what pains


Read This If You’re Looking for a “Magic Pill” In Life

Posted by: | Posted on: June 6, 2019
Read This If You’re Looking for a “Magic Pill” In Life

Here is a message to all of you who believe in shortcuts.

They do not exist.

Let me explain why, and let me get through to you, finally.

First, let’s look at your life.

How many things have changed for you in an instant?

To go even deeper, how many bad behaviors, lifelong thoughts, have changed for you? When you started doing something different, and it worked, right away?

The answer’s going to be zero.

Anything that changes in your life takes time.

You’ll watch a lesson on something, whatever it might be. A lesson on how to work out. How to trade stocks. How to lose weight. Whatever it is.

You watched that lesson. The lesson will resonate with you. It’ll make sense.

You feel like, I could do this.

The person who’s teaching it makes sense. It works for them. I understand it.

And then what do you do? Then you go out, and you try it, right?

It works a little.

It doesn’t work a little.

And then what happens? Sooner or later, you’re frustrated.

You’ll send an e-mail to me, if it was my program, or you’ll send an e-mail to somebody, and say,

Oh, this doesn’t work.

I tried it, and it doesn’t work for me.

See, what you’re doing wrong — and what you’ve always been doing wrong, and the reason why you’re continuing to fail over and over again —  is because you’re not re-watching the lesson.

You see, when I’m learning something new, I re-watch lessons over and over again. Every time I watch them, I learn something different.

I realize something different.

And then, I go and apply the lessons. It’s still not working fully for me, because, well, I am not fully there yet.

You see, I’ve got some new …


The Best Boyfriends Are a Bit Thirsty

Posted by: | Posted on: June 6, 2019
The Best Boyfriends Are a Bit Thirsty

The word of the day is “thirsty.”

Urban Dictionary defines thirsty as:

1. Too eager to get something (especially play)
2. Desperate

With that, let’s take a look at today’s article by one Josh Gondelman in Glamour.

“Making a romantic overture to someone often seems corny and awkward and sometimes even a little desperate. That’s because it is. But it’s also a gesture that takes both vulnerability and assertiveness, and those are good qualities, even when they result in rejection. (Obviously, no one is under any obligation to reciprocate anyone else’s thirst.)

No great love story has ever begun without a spark of thirst.”

Thirst is more accurately known as desire. And if there’s anything I’ve learned by listening to women over 15 years, it’s that you REALLY want to be desired.

Thirst is more accurately known as desire. And if there’s anything I’ve learned by listening to women over 15 years, it’s that you REALLY want to be desired.

But you really want to be desired exclusively by men YOU desire and NOT by men you don’t desire.

You go out with a guy on Friday. You have a great time. He calls you the next day to say he had a blast and can’t wait to see you again. You swoon.

You go out with a guy on Friday. You’re bored stiff. He calls you the next day to say he had a blast and can’t wait to see you again. You determine he’s a needy stalker.

Same behavior. Different reaction.

The guy you like is sweet and direct. The guy you don’t like is “thirsty.”

Concludes Gondelman, I met my now-fiancée in person at a party she was throwing (I was invited! I promise I’m not a creep). I asked for her phone number (thirsty!),


My Boyfriend Follows Sexy Instagram Models. Is This Normal?

Posted by: | Posted on: June 3, 2019
Why Facebook Is a Slippery Slope to Infidelity

I have been in an exclusive sexual relationship with a high-quality man for 4 months now. Things are easy and natural and I have no concerns with trust or how he feels. However, I happened to notice recently as I was looking to see if we have a mutual follow on Instagram that he is following about a dozen women who primarily post sexy swimsuit or lingerie pictures. I am not naive enough to think that guys don’t look at other girls nor insecure enough to think that he doesn’t think that I’m sexy too. I have a sexy side that will send him sexy pics of myself occasionally too but I don’t want to be compared to these other women. Although I work out and I think my body is strong and sexy, I’ve had 2 kids!! I just feel that it is a little disrespectful. He has me sending him sexy pics; I am uncomfortable that his Instagram feed is filled with these pictures of sexy other women on a daily basis.

My questions are…is this a “normal” guy thing? Is there a “right” time or way to tell him how I feel?

Thanks Evan! I think you are great and appreciate all your advice in you blogs and podcasts!

Kristen

In my first book “I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book – A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating, I advised women not to post photos that show too much skin because it would attract the wrong guys.

It’s an easy argument to make – especially with the number of god-awful pervs who think that telling you what they’re going to do to you in their introductory email is a good idea.

The way you see it, if you hold back the photos that highlight your …


Why Dating Apps Are Bad For Your Love Life

Posted by: | Posted on: May 30, 2019
Why Dating Apps Are Bad For Your Love Life

My thoughts about Tinder have been documented.

Tinder – and other dating apps – are exactly what society craves:

Something free, quick, easy, effortless, and frictionless

Something that caters to our shallow impulses, short attention spans, and desire for variety.

Something that would take our need for love, sex, attention, affection and validation and turn it into a dopamine heightening video game that we can play anytime, anywhere, with little to no thought beyond whether someone is hot or not.

As a user, you may prefer Tinder to Match, and if you do, I don’t judge you nor blame you. If anything, I understand you and empathize with you.

You want to meet more people. You don’t want to read through long profiles. You don’t want to write long emails. You don’t want to invest time in getting to know someone, who, quite likely, will not be a great long-term partner. You want to swipe right, text, meet quickly, and see ASAP if there’s compatibility.

I get it.

But what are the downsides of this process?

You don’t need me to tell you.

For all the positives we associate with dating apps, there are equal negatives.

For all the positives we associate with dating apps, there are equal negatives.

If you’re swiping right on dozens of people, it becomes more overwhelming and confusing.

If you are not reading about people in their own words, you don’t really know the first thing about them before getting each other’s phone numbers.

If you don’t have long profiles, you won’t have many interesting things to say in your communication beyond, “Hey, you’re hot. Cute dog. Want to hang out sometime?”

If you don’t invest time in getting to know someone before you meet, you will go on more bad dates than you …


My Partner of 7 Years Won’t Get Divorced!

Posted by: | Posted on: May 27, 2019

My Partner of 7 Years Won’t Get Divorced!I have been with my common law partner for almost 7 years. We met at work, we have had our ups and downs and even split but reconciled a few times over the years. He was going through a process in life. We are very committed and function as a married couple, he is an active stepfather to my teenage children, and we even own a business together.

However, when we first met he was just separating from his wife. Less so than I had been led to believe, hence the processes he went through for the first few years. In hindsight, I wouldn’t have gotten involved knowing what I know now but its irrelevant now.

The problem is that he won’t divorce. He has one son with her who is almost 26 and lives with her (he won’t leave home). She is several years into a relationship and runs a family business with her new boyfriend from the matrimonial property. He has taken small steps like asking her to list the house for sale but closes his eyes to it when she refuses. He pays mortgage and debts for her. He once wrote a separation agreement and she edited it asking for very high spousal support and he filed it away unsigned and unfiled. He kept her on medical benefits until just recently so he has done a lot to ease the transition.

We are looking at some changes in our lives or moving and new jobs that I hesitate to commit to without feeling secure in my relationship, plus I want to get married one day. I’m close to 40 now, my kids are close to leaving home, and I can’t help but wonder if I’ve wasted my 30’s, if my relationship is a farce, or it will


What Does it Mean to Be a Man? And Why Is Masculinity “Bad”?

Posted by: | Posted on: May 23, 2019

What Does it Mean to Be a Man? And Why Is Masculinity "Bad"?Let’s dispense with the inevitable criticisms up front.

I am a man whose entire life is spent advocating for smart, strong, successful women to have happy relationships.

I am about as liberal as they come.

I am furious about Donald Trump, Brett Kavanagh and the new Alabama abortion law.

I recognize that a lot of our world’s problems are caused by “old white males.”

And yet, I’m citing an article about masculinity by David French of the conservative publication National Review for one key reason: he’s right.

We’ve become so tribal – so eager to attack our enemies, so blind in defending our own – that common sense has gone out the window. I won’t let that happen here.

We’ve become so tribal – so eager to attack our enemies, so blind in defending our own – that common sense has gone out the window. I won’t let that happen here.

I can be a white male liberal feminist and still point out the blind spots of liberals and feminists, just as easily as I point out the blind spots of the MGTOW, anti-feminist right.

But enough about me. 🙂

Enjoy this piece by French, which is worth thinking about and discussing below:

“It is interesting that in a world that otherwise teaches boys and girls to “be yourself,” that rule often applies to everyone but the “traditional” male who has traditional male impulses and characteristics. Then, they’re a problem. Then, they’re often deemed toxic. Combine this reality with a new economy that doesn’t naturally favor physical strength and physical courage to the same extent, and it’s easy to see how men struggle.

As I’ve argued before, acculturation into healthy traditional masculinity used to be a far more natural and inevitable act. Even upper-class men had to learn to