Understanding Men

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Posted by: | Posted on: May 4, 2019

How to Find the Man Who Loves, Accepts and Cherishes You

How to Find the Man Who Loves, Accepts and Cherishes You

You may get really down that you’re still without that deep, lasting love you seek.

You may get really frustrated when you see other couples holding hands at the movies.

You may get really self-conscious when you see happy families walking down the street.

Yes, sometimes single life can be a drag, but it’s my job to remind you that these very markers of what you don’t have are ALSO the reason to brighten up.

They prove that there ARE good men out there and that love IS possible – no matter how hard it feels for you to achieve it.

Which is why I want to begin your day by spreading some good springtime cheer.

Every day, for the past few weeks, the momentum has been building.

The Pyramid of Love to teach you about the six pillars of Love U.

6 video tips about how to be the kind of woman men find irresistible.

The inspirational stories of Love U graduates who found love quickly.

The Facebook Live on how you can attract better men and get the right one to commit.

The women who have already enrolled in Love U so that they can transform from fearful and frustrated to abundant and optimistic.

Everywhere I go, I feel your good vibes:

My blog. My inbox. Endless heartfelt notes from women around the world who let me know that Love U and my coaching is working for them.

There are millions of smart, strong, successful women like you who have everything except for a man to share your life with.

There are millions of smart, strong, successful women like you who have everything except for a man to share your life with.

I want you to have that big, great love you’ve always desired and I will do …

Posted by: | Posted on: April 27, 2019

Two Quick Tests to Figure Out if Your Guy is a Keeper

Two Quick Tests to Figure Out if Your Guy is a Keeper

What? You didn’t get a chance to watch my Facebook Live on Thursday?

Was it because you were too busy? Was it because you had too much work?

Listen, I understand that a smart, busy woman like you has a life outside of me.

Still, you missed out on some really powerful stuff.

Listen, I understand that a smart, busy woman like you has a life outside of me. Still, you missed out on some really powerful stuff.

And since you’re not the only busy woman on my list, I’m giving you access to a replay of How You Can Attract Better Men and Get the Right One to Want to Commit.

In about an hour, you’ll learn:

  •  How to stop ignoring your feelings of anxiety and set healthy boundaries with men.
  •  Why you should ALWAYS give a good boyfriend the benefit of the doubt – and break up with anyone who’s not a good boyfriend.
  •  How to talk with him when you’re upset without attacking and making him upset.
  •  The incredible power of acceptance and why you should NEVER try to change a man.
  •  The psychological phenomenon “habituation” and how it’s silently KILLING your relationships.
  •  What compatibility is, what it is not, and why it’s just as important as chemistry.
  •  What qualities you should compromise on, and which qualities you should NEVER compromise on.
  •  Two quick tests to help you evaluate your relationship and figure out if he has what it takes to make you happy forever.
  • Remember, you came to me for a reason: to help you understand men, to give you the tools to date successfully, and to help you attract a great guy who treats you like gold.

It all starts now.

Click here to watch my highly entertaining and educational video and get the confidence

Posted by: | Posted on: April 18, 2019

(Video) The Secret to Getting a Man to Love You

(Video) The Secret to Getting a Man to Love You

You and I may disagree on a few things, but I hope we can agree on this:

Some people live in a black and white world, but the world is not black and white.

Believe me, I understand the appeal of black and white thinking.

It’s simpler. It’s cleaner. You don’t have to understand anyone else’s feelings.

All you know is if someone disagrees with you, he’s WRONG.

The problem, of course, is that black and white thinking creates friction out in the real world, where there are a lot of bright, ethical people with different worldviews.

I was thinking about this when I was making the Need vs. Needy video I shared a couple of days ago.

I was well aware that I could potentially offend some black and white thinkers, but it was too important to me to present a more nuanced view about the concept of need.

In short, everyone has needs.

If your needs are excessive, you may unintentionally come across as “needy” – which is usually unattractive and draining.

Thus, the most effective way to be with a man is “vulnerable.” Being vulnerable allows you to share your thoughts and feelings openly without driving men away.

Thus, the most effective way to be with a man is “vulnerable.” Being vulnerable allows you to share your thoughts and feelings openly without driving men away.

Since you value vulnerability in men – as opposed to weak men or standoffish men – it’s important to recognize that men value vulnerability, too.

Once you lead with trust, authenticity, and vulnerability, you will attract more men, connect with more men, and be able to find a boyfriend fast.

There’s only one problem about finding a boyfriend fast.

You have no idea where your story is going to end up.

It’s …

Posted by: | Posted on: April 8, 2019

Am I Single Because I Won’t Have Sex?

Am I Single Because I Won’t Have Sex?


As a teenager, I bought into the whole religious reasons thing to not have sex. Early in college, I considered having sex with my long term boyfriend at the time; however, this relationship abruptly turned abusive and crashed and burned, which made me grateful I’d hesitated.

But nearly ten years later, my dating life is nonexistent. I can barely get a guy to look at me, much less give me the time of day. I hate how desperate I feel and seem to be in wanting a relationship and know that I should be happy with what I do have in life (but when has that ever placated anyone?).

It’s been occurring to me lately that maybe it’s due to the fact that I still haven’t had and am reluctant to have sex. Is this something guys can just read off of me? Is it a turn off? Could this maybe even explain why I have such an abysmal time dating?

Krissy

I’m sorry that religion impacted your view of sex. I’m sorry that your abusive relationship soured you further. Your reaction to those situations is somewhat normal — if you view sex as problematic, your defense mechanism protects you from men and sex. It also protects you from men and love.

Understand, men look for sex in the process of looking for love. A guy can decide if he’s open to sleeping with you in 2 seconds; he’ll probably take closer to a month to figure out if he wants to be your boyfriend and a few years to figure out if he wants to be your husband. This is normal, too, not behavior to be judged or shamed.

I’ve answered a number of questions from virgins over the years and I’ve always tried to be consistent — even …

Posted by: | Posted on: April 4, 2019

What Men Think About #MeToo

What Men Think About #MeToo

Back in October, I shared this New York Times article about 8 men who confessed to sexually harassing or assaulting women.

Today, I want you to consider this follow-up – reader letters to the Times about #MeToo. They are all across the board in terms of agreement and dissent. I’ve taken the liberty to share some of the statements that echo my feelings about this confusing time.

“I know I’ve said things that created discomfort, embarrassment and shame for girls and women that I knew in school, at work and in public. Most of this occurred in my teen years and early 20s. I’m guessing that my frontal cortex began to operate in my mid-20s and I began to behave like a decent adult. I became a better man. But I was part of the problem. I am sorry.” – Michael

Human attitudes toward differences between the sexes did not emerge solely from the misguided ideas of ancestral social architects

“Human attitudes toward differences between the sexes did not emerge solely from the misguided ideas of ancestral social architects, as Mr. Yancy implies in his essay. They are the byproducts of natural selection among primates. We are still waking up to the realization that historically acceptable practices by men are truly abysmal in a moral society, which means we have generations of counter-evolutionary education before us until we can realistically expect permanent change. In the meantime, we need to be cautious about assigning blame and be patient while men right themselves, lest we find our nation even more divided by men falsely claiming victimhood.” – GBarry

“There can be no question, ever, that the victims suffer more than the perpetrators. However, if we are to make any significant progress on this monumental societal problem, the  perpetrators  must learn to

Posted by: | Posted on: March 28, 2019

Why Men Think They Want Smart Women But Really Don’t

Why Men Think They Want Smart Women But Really Don’t

Jenna Birch interviewed me again for Shape Magazine and Yahoo Health in 2015, and I was delighted to learn that she wrote a book called “The Love Gap: A Radical Way to Win in Life and Love.” I can’t vouch for the book itself but I really love this excerpt I read on Psychology Today and wanted to share it with you.

“After looking into  the mating preferences of more  than 5,000 men and women  by way of survey, researcher and biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., writes that we are seeing a “Clooney Effect” in this country – a nod to the recent marriage of America’s favorite bachelor, actor George Clooney, to human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin. According to Fisher’s numbers, men desire smart, strong, successful women; 87 percent of men said they would date a woman who was more  intellectual than they were, who was better educated, and who made  considerably more money than they  did, while  86  percent said they  were in search of a woman who was confident and self-assured.”

Sounds all well and good. Except, as you know, there’s a gap between what men say they want in theory and what they actually want in practice.

“Men only  think  they know what they want – or they know what they want in theory, not what they’d choose when put to the test IRL. “Men seem to be influenced less by their ideal partner preferences and more by their emotions or feelings at the moment,” she says. “Specifically, when men were outperformed by a woman in a domain that they cared about – intelligence – they felt threatened,  assessed by diminished self-ratings of masculinity, which then led them to act in a way counter to what their expressed ideal preferences were.” In other words, these guys

Posted by: | Posted on: February 11, 2019

Can I Expect My Devoted But Angry Boyfriend To Grow Into A Good Husband Over Time?

Can I Expect My Devoted But Angry Boyfriend To Grow Into A Good Husband Over Time?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 10 months. We met online, actually slept together on the first date, and ended up liking each other so much we decided to see it through.

At 2 weeks he finally told me he was a father to a 4 year old. Coming from divorced parents and growing up with a step mom I didn’t get along with, this was the exact situation I never wanted to be in. But I kept going because I liked him so much and later met his daughter and she’s PERFECT. I work with kids and have never met a kid so amazing before.

But soon after finding out the news about her I noticed my boyfriend had a TERRIBLE temper. He’s got a short fuse and he can be aggressive. He would never hurt me but has punched walls and gotten mad at my 3 dogs and even his dog. And has even gone out of his way to show people he means business when they cross him. It got to the point at the beginning I legitimately packed up and left his house in the middle of the night on two separate occasions because he was acting up so badly. Not to mention over the first few months we had so many “are we gonna break up” conversations due to it.

I also wonder how much we have in common. I’m definitely a more introverted, hold things in, care taker, animal lover, chill person. He’s extremely outgoing, if he thinks of something he has to say something (sometimes its things to me that don’t need to be said), can be controlling and selfish (also in bed too), and he doesn’t like my dogs (but has gotten better with them). It’s just hard to find things to

Posted by: | Posted on: December 24, 2018

I Caught My Boyfriend Looking at Porn on His Phone. Is This a Red Flag?

I Caught My Boyfriend Looking at Porn on His Phone. Is This a Red Flag?

 

Very recently, my boyfriend and I were looking at Instagram together on his phone, and when he opened up his photo gallery, I spotted a picture of a woman wearing a bra. I was immediately unnerved and I asked if he could show me that photo again. He acted oddly and said he didn’t want to share the photo and how I’d be infringing on his privacy.

I told him he can choose to not show me his phone, but our relationship will have a huge dent. He ultimately showed me his phone and he downloaded nude photos from a porn site onto his photo gallery. I’ve never really been a jealous girlfriend and I encourage watching pornography. But I don’t know why that incident made me feel so bad.

He was also very apologetic and made me feel like he was cheating, and he was also trying to hide his phone because he felt embarrassed, since these girls aren’t actual porn stars. They are actual people from amateur porn sites. Is this a red flag at all? For some reason, it’s easier for me to stomach a situation if he was just watching porn.

Syra

Thanks for the question, Syra. I also want to refer you to this post called “What Do Men Get Out of Looking at Other Women?” which may add some nuance to what I share below.

I understand why you were unnerved when you saw a bra pop up on his phone. (another woman!)

I understand why he didn’t want to share the photo with you. (how mortifying to be caught by your own girlfriend!)

I understand why you feel that he had to share his phone with you to preserve the trust. (my boyfriend should have nothing to hide from me!)

I understand …

Posted by: | Posted on: December 20, 2018

Women Teach Men – It’s About Time!

Women Teach Men – It’s About Time!

 

I think this article by Rose Surnow is…interesting.

“Women Teach Men, an $895 July wellness retreat features talks, lectures and workshops taught by accomplished female experts. The speakers ranged from well-known media personalities like Perel to lesser-known gurus like “body poetess” Mari Sierra. In addition to talks, the weekend included structured men’s groups (no women allowed), where men could sit around and share their feelings–a.k.a. my sexual fantasy. When I found out all this was going down at the Ojai Valley Inn, a five-star hotel with a pool, mountain views and delicious gourmet meals, I packed a bag of bikinis faster than you can say, “The Patriarchy hurts men, too!”

Full disclosure: I know a guy who went to this and was invited to attend. It’s not my thing, but conceptually, I really like the idea of men – for once! – attempting to understand women. Remember, the only reason I’m a coach for women is that men don’t generally ask for help when it comes to relationships.

Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity, was the headline speaker. Says Surnow:

“What stuck out to her wasn’t any one particular concern but just how starved the men were for a chance to talk and ask questions. “Women are over-served in the space of relationships and men are totally underserved,” Perel told me. “And because the lives of women will not change until men come along that means that men need to have a chance to also rethink what it means to be a man at home and at work.”

If you’re not a predator and you are capable of speaking up then you should make your voice heard and be part of the solution

It turns out some men need permission to speak openly about what it means

Posted by: | Posted on: November 22, 2018

8 Men Admit to #MeToo and Tell Their Stories

8 Men Admit to #MeToo and Tell Their Stories

 

I read this New York Times piece, word-for-word.  

On a Friday afternoon, September 21st, The New York Times invited male readers to tell us about their high school experiences. Had you, we asked, ever behaved toward girls or women in ways you now regret?  By Monday morning, we had more than 750 responses.

The stories covered a wide spectrum of sexual misconduct, some of it deeply disturbing: There were multiple submissions that discussed participating in gang rapes. In others, men looked back and thought differently on activities that might be considered the everyday realm of high school boys: “I would walk up to girls in my school and undo their bras. I thought it was funny but they thought it was horrible,” one wrote. “I felt like I had a right to touch them or undo their bras as a joke and honestly thought it was O.K.” Above all, the submissions were striking for their candor: They or at least seemed to be, submitted by men genuinely questioning why they had once conducted themselves in ways of which they now felt ashamed.

I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but I didn’t realize how wrong it was until I saw the young woman’s reaction, and I’ve regretted it ever since.

A man who forced a woman to expose her breasts in order to give her a ride home said: “But what stayed with me about this was somehow both the innocence of youth and the giddy power I felt over this girl.”

A man who groped a woman against her will said: “I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but I didn’t realize how wrong it was until I saw the young woman’s reaction, and I’ve regretted it ever since.”

A man who verbally threatened …