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Posted by: | Posted on: May 20, 2019

What Do Men Find Attractive?

What Do Men Find Attractive?

First of all, what do you think defines attractive? It’s interesting because a guy friend of mine said his girlfriend would be what he would call pretty even though he didn’t think she fit the mold of what society called pretty. Does that mean there can be an openness to different types? I’ve wondered. Exactly what makes someone pretty? I know this is a sensitive question so no pressure in answering.

Second, for whatever it is, can guys learn to compromise on looks or be open to different types? I’ve wondered because I thought about something for me that was similar. I will it admit in high school I only went after the charming popular guys. The high school jocks. I could have said well I can’t help what I like right? Then I realized I was being superficial and should instead go after less superficial things. So I now have a crush on a guy (that’s another story) who is less of the charming type but very likable. I realized I should see what’s important. It seems your dating advice encourages women (chemistry vs compatibility something like that right?) to focus on those things over things that people value in a more superficial sense.

Lastly I’ve wondered how much of the obsession with finding a hot girl is really about attraction. It seems like it would be an of course, guys want the pretty girl because she is pretty right? Then I thought of my old high school crushes. I realized some of them I liked not really because of them, but actually because I enjoyed the praise I felt of having won the attention over of someone so impressive. It made me feel important. Really though, frankly I think it’s actually using someone. I’ve wondered if that’s something

Posted by: | Posted on: May 16, 2019

Orbiting. Another Dating Problem Created By Social Media.

Will You Use the New Facebook Dating App?

I’m REALLY glad to be a middle-aged married guy.

I stopped dating in January 2007 when I met my wife at a potluck dinner in Beverly Hills.

The first iPhone would be released later that year.

Texting was around but it wasn’t ubiquitous. Same with Facebook.

Instagram came around in 2010. Tinder didn’t launch until 2012.

And here we are, as lonely and disconnected as ever. Social media sites that were designed to connect us now cause an equal amount of pain and confusion.

And here we are, as lonely and disconnected as ever. Social media sites that were designed to connect us now cause an equal amount of pain and confusion.

The latest term of art from this digital dystopia? Keep reading:

“Prying eyes on Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter can be exciting when they come from a prospective romantic partner, confusing when unrequited and infuriating when the looker is an ex. In the last case, it’s as though the specter of a Relationship That Could Have Been is peeping over your shoulder, keeping tabs without having to commit to any real-world interactions.

Naturally, there is a name for this 21st-century phenomenon, which has joined ghosting, Netflix and chill, breadcrumbing and other recent entries to the dating lexicon. It’s called orbiting.”

I’d probably call it cyberstalking, but whatever you call it, it’s a thing that afflicts modern daters who are tethered to their social media.

“The way it feels to be orbited depends on your relationship to the orbiter. When you’re interested in the satellite entity watching your social media activity, orbiting brings an endorphin rush, the feeling of being circled by someone you want to get closer to.

But when it’s bad, it’s bad. There’s the frustration of wondering why an ex would rather watch your life

Posted by: | Posted on: August 13, 2018

How Do You Respond if a Guy Disappears and Follows Up a Week Later?

How Do You Respond if a Guy Disappears and Follows Up a Week Later?

I know that, if a man isn’t reaching back out within a day or so of your last date, it’s because he doesn’t care to do so. However, when the guy sends a follow-up message 5-7 days later, what’s the best way to respond?

Thanks,

Ashleigh

I wrote about this at length in this post but I’ll summarize it here.

We are all someone’s second choice.

We are all someone’s second choice.

Unless you married the first guy you swiped right on, you, like the rest of us, have gone through hundreds, if not thousands of profiles.

There are good men and bad men. Honest men and shady men. Relationship-oriented men and player men. And you know what? Sometimes men can be BOTH once.

I can only speak for myself here, but there were times that I was perfectly content hooking up without commitment and there were times I was earnestly looking for love.

Furthermore, there were women that inspired me to want to commit, and other women who were cute enough for a fling but not girlfriend material in my mind.

This is not gender-specific, by the way.

So, to be your own dating coach, flip things around.

Have you ever been talking to three guys at once, had one that was your favorite, gone all-in on him and POOF, he disappeared or turned out to be a jerk?

If so, does that mean that you were “wrong” for choosing him? No. Does that mean that you were rude to focus your attentions on him as opposed to the other two guys? No. Does that mean that you are flaky or insensitive or not looking for love because your Plan A backfired on you? No. So if you went back to the two men after a week and said, …