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Posted by: | Posted on: May 12, 2019

Wouldn’t you like a man to take care of YOU

Wouldn’t you like a man to take care of YOU

You’re tired,

You’re tired of working ten hours a day.

You’re tired of six hours of sleep per night.

You’re tired of commuting to and from work.

You’re tired of having to handle everything yourself: the laundry, making dinner, car leases, insurance premiums, your wireless connection.

You’re tired of taking care of everybody – your aging parents, your screwed up siblings, your ungrateful boss, your average employees, your unappreciative kids.

Life is hard enough.

It’s much harder when your whole life involves giving rather than receiving.

If you’re like most of my Love U students, you give WAY more than you receive.

You’re like Sisyphus pushing a rock up a hill or Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders.

It’s tiring. It sucks. And nobody talks openly about it.

Have you ever spent long nights on the phone counseling a dear friend?

Have you ever spent thousands of dollars on veterinarian bills for a sick pet?

Have you ever worked longer than expected because you took pride in your work and wanted to please your boss or client?

Have you ever given an expensive gift to your less fortunate sister or your self-sacrificing mother?

Have you ever given more to a relationship than the relationship has given back to you?

I’ll bet you have.

What we see here is not just that you are generous but you are actually generous to a fault.

So, why am I bringing this up now, on the last day of this special Love U launch?

If anything, I wanted you to see something I see in you:

You are so committed to giving to others that you may neglect your own needs.

You put yourself out for a friend, for a pet, for a loved one, but when do you get the opportunity to …

Posted by: | Posted on: May 9, 2019

I’ve Got Good News, I’ve Got Bad News and I’ve Got Great News!

I’ve Got Good News, I’ve Got Bad News and I’ve Got Great News!

When I first launched Love U in 2015, 250 women enrolled. It was an unusually close group and remains one of the highlights of my career because of this dynamic.

But as you know, my goal isn’t just to make friends – it’s to change lives.

And, as you also probably know, the difference between the clients who have success and the ones who don’t isn’t so much about me as it is about them.

And, as you also probably know, the difference between the clients who have success and the ones who don’t isn’t so much about me as it is about them.

The women who watched the videos, showed up on the weekly coaching calls, dated consistently, and participated actively in the Love U community were the ones who felt the most connected to Love U – and, not coincidentally, got the best results.

And if you ever wonder whether I’m just pumping myself up, this November, I’m invited to a wedding in Sydney, Australia for Elly, a client from that inaugural class of Love U.

That’s awesome. But it’s not the best part. The best part is that a bunch of other women from that Love U class are ALSO invited to attend with their significant others.

  • Jen is in a great relationship with a man called Frank. They’ve been together for years now, live together and he supported her through a double mastectomy.
  • Alyson is an introvert in her 50’s who was really mistrustful of men. Now she’s married and living happily ever after in Kentucky.
  •  Kimberly is in a very happy relationship with a man 12 years younger than her for over a year.
  • Karen has been with the man that she met during Love U for nearly four years.
  • Nanthini didn’t have much dating
Posted by: | Posted on: March 21, 2019

Is Evan Marc Katz’s Marriage Sad and Uninspiring?

Is Evan Marc Katz’s Marriage Sad and Uninspiring?

I’m well-aware that criticism comes with the territory of writing for the internet. The fact that there are 130,000 comments on my blog should be a decent indicator of how much dissent I allow (pretty much everything except personal insults). I also know that it would be impossible for any reader to have a full understanding of my marriage; it’s all mediated through blog posts, videos, etc. But since I use my marriage as an example of the kind of marriage I wish for you to have, I believe it’s fair for you to want to know whether I’m some sort of bullshit artist or a guy who actually walks his own walk.

And while  I haven’t done this for a long time, an individual comment on this recent blog post just rubbed me the wrong way. Since I couldn’t shake the feeling, I figured this would be a great opportunity to explain myself to anyone who may have the same perceptions as this reader about me and my “uninspiring” marriage.

And, by “explain myself,” I mean, I brought in my wife to directly address each of the partially-true, partially misguided claims below. She’s more diplomatic than I am but I do love that she comes out swinging.

“V” writes:

“I fear I must say what many other women are afraid to say and it’s that you don’t come off as good husband material initially either. I think you can not see this about yourself and only see what a super great catch you are.

– You spoke about how you had about 300 dates in 10 years; sorry but according to the math that’s only about 2 dates a month; low numbers. I bring that up because

– You said you Never had a relationship last longer than

Posted by: | Posted on: March 7, 2019

129 Ways to Not Meet Your Husband in 2019

129 Ways to Not Meet Your Husband in 2019

For all the talk about how women are faced with sexual harassment, emotionally stunted men or the hell that is Tinder... for all the talk about emotional labor and the death of marriage... the truth is, there’s never been a better time to be alive and dating.

Don’t believe me?

You may think online dating and hookup culture is rough but at least, these days, you don’t have to get a hunting license or carry a hatbox just in order to meet a man.

Click here to check out what it was like in the 1950s.  

Yes, it’s 129 ways to get a husband, none of which I would actually endorse, all of which were published in McCalls sixty years ago.

You may think online dating and hookup culture is rough but at least, these days, you don’t have to get a hunting license or carry a hatbox just in order to meet a man.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated. Which is your favorite way to absolutely, positively not meet a man in 2019?

 

The post 129 Ways to Not Meet Your Husband in 2019 appeared first on Dating Coach – Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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Posted by: | Posted on: February 25, 2019

Why is My Toxic Ex-Husband Prolonging Our Divorce?

Why is My Toxic Ex-Husband Prolonging Our Divorce?

We were in a very toxic and abusive relationship. It all ended when I decided to press charges on him at the beginning of my pregnancy. I wasn’t ready to let go at first but I am now.

He threatened a false annulment and said that he had the paperwork for me to sign.

After he got out of jail he harassed me about getting an abortion as did his mistress.

His mistress is also the mother of his children and they were in a relationship for longer than he and I were married. He made it a point to let me know he didn’t want to be with me.

Now that I am finally agreeing to all terms he will not answer the phone. I told him I was trying to reach out to him about the divorce and that he can sign over all parental rights and we can go our separate ways.

At this point I just do not want to be tied to him anymore. He will not answer the phone to talk about it anymore and I don’t understand why.

It just doesn’t make any sense why he would go through all of that trouble just to not want to proceed with the divorce. He knows I cannot file in the state I am in for a while since I just moved out here and I have to wait six months before I can file here.

I have the money to file for him but he just ghosted me. Please give me some sort of insight if you can. Thank you so much.

Betty

I’m sorry this is happening to you, Betty, and I’m positive there are people with greater experience with divorce law than me. I would certainly find out what your legal options …

Posted by: | Posted on: January 14, 2019

Does Marriage Mean Suffering Through A Lot of Horrible Years?

Does Marriage Mean Suffering Through A Lot of Horrible Years?

As a longtime reader of your blog, I know you’re a proponent of good marriages as opposed to marrying solely for the sake of not being alone.

I was recently watching a late night show on which Michelle Obama appeared and said, “If you’re married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you’re doing really good! Anybody would take those odds.”

Should anybody *really* take those odds, though?

Is it simply being realistic, as the former First Lady suggests, to expect a “horrible” year or two here and there sprinkled throughout a lifelong partnership?

If not, is it possible to assess at 2-3 years into a relationship whether or not that “horrible” year is right around the corner?

Perhaps even worse, is it a thing that the first 40 years could be blissful and the next 10 a total nightmare? And if either of those circumstances were to happen in a relationship, what should the partners do?

Thanks, Evan!

Jen

Really great question, Jen. I’m glad you asked it.

I think this is as good a time to point out that the way I feel about relationships is different than the way most people feel about relationships.

Most people:  “Relationships take work!”

Evan:  “Good relationships are easy. If it’s not easy, it’s not a good relationship.”

Most people:  “Couples fight all the time. It’s normal.”

Evan:  “Unhealthy couples fight all the time. Healthy couples fight a lot less — and a lot quieter.”

Most people:  “You should stay together through thick and thin because you made a vow.”

Evan:  “If your relationship is draining you and is not supporting your happiness, what exactly is it for?”

When I say these things, people sit up and pay attention for multiple reasons.

I don’t know anybody else who preaches the …

Posted by: | Posted on: January 7, 2019

My Boyfriend of 5 Years Hasn’t Proposed to Me Yet. What Should I Do?

My Boyfriend of 5 Years Hasn’t Proposed to Me Yet. What Should I Do?

 

I’m 42 years old and my boyfriend is almost 48. He was married once before and has two young adult children. We’ve been together for five years. Three years in, I asked about marriage and he told me he wasn’t ready. I was ready to break up with him until he gave me a sweet promise ring and swore that he really does want to marry me, but he just wasn’t ready and needed more time. He convinced me to wait because he swears he wants to build a life with me.

I’ve read your advice about allowing him to choose me, so I didn’t bring it up again for almost two years. I finally started to wonder and asked him about it again, only for him to tell me the exact same thing: that he’s not ready, but he wants to marry me someday and he sees a future with me. Problem is: he won’t give me a timeline, he won’t say why he’s not ready, and he wants us to live together first.

We own our own homes and the housing market is highly overinflated where we live – so much that we can’t afford to buy a house together. So, there’s no chance of us living together anytime soon. Plus, I’m not sure that living together as a “trial run” is the best way to approach marriage. If he’s not interested in marrying me now, I’m not sure that living together will change that.

He swears that he really does want to build a life with me, but I’m not sure I can wait another few years for a man who continues to kick the marriage can down the road — and the “living together trial run” seems like an excuse to prolong the marriage issue.

Posted by: | Posted on: December 13, 2018

The Best Way to Stop Your Relationship From Getting Stale

The Best Way to Stop Your Relationship From Getting Stale

 

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” It’s a cliche for a reason.

We take for granted the things and people we see every day and we deeply crave what most of us cannot have regularly: a new car, an amazing massage, a fancy vacation.

The problem is that to be in a happy marriage, you need to put the marriage first. People who travel all the time are not great relationship partners. People who communicate exclusively by text are not great relationship partners. You need daily touch points, conversations and regular in-person meetings. Consistency matters a lot.

But what happens when you have too much consistency and too much togetherness? Things can get a bit too familiar, too routine and too stale. Suddenly, your relationship is in a rut, even though you have done nothing “wrong” to cause it.

Sophia Benoit of  GQ has a cure for this.

“Stop spending so much time with your partner. This isn’t novel advice. Everyone understands that when you’re in a relationship you should “have your own life.” But I’m suggesting a more aggressive, or purposeful, separation. If you usually spend every weeknight together, try to have a week where you make plans with friends for at least two or three nights. Volunteer to stay late at work. Help your stepdad build a deck. Tackle tasks you hate and luxuriate in ones you love. Orchestrate distance.”

This does not mean going dark for a few days.  This does not mean playing games. This does not mean you pull away from your partner in any way, shape or form.

Actively pushing yourself to behave the way you behaved when you were single–i.e. agreeing to go out to an awful, loud, crowded bar, or saying yes to your outdoorsy-friend’s annual camping trip–is a good

Posted by: | Posted on: November 12, 2018

Should I Marry a Man Who is a Late Bloomer?

Should I Marry a Man Who is a Late Bloomer?

I’m 36 and he’s 38. We both want to get married and have kids. He finished grad school 2 years ago and so he’s only been working in his new profession for 2 years. He was doing odd jobs before that and so he doesn’t have any savings, but he does have student loans. I’ve been working and saving for 15 years and I’m finally in a place professionally where I’m making OK money for the first time in my life. I don’t have a lot, but I’ve been carefully putting money aside, while also helping my mother out. While I’m not crazy about the fact that my boyfriend has no money saved and actually owes thousands of dollars, I love him very much and I accept this fact about him. He’s had life experiences that have made him the man who I love today. I am more interested in how he’s going to move forward with his life from this point on. But here’s where I don’t see him being proactive and I’m not sure how to handle it or how poorly it bodes for our possible future together.

As I said, I’m already 36 and if we are to wait another 1.5 years until we get married (as you recommend) I’ll be almost 38 and kids will be around the corner. We’ve talked about about this timeline for marriage and kids (if we decide that we want to be together) and we’ve started talking about our finances and his career plan for the next 3 years. He says that he could make about 20% more in his next job, which would be life-changing for him. He’d be able to pay off his loans far more quickly, get far more affordable health-insurance, be able to work on exciting new

Posted by: | Posted on: October 1, 2018

My Husband Sucks and I Want to Cheat on Him but I Know It’s Wrong

My Husband Sucks and I Want to Cheat on Him but I Know It’s Wrong

I am a married woman who has husband and a son. I have recently got in touch with my first ex. Well, technically we never met. I met him 20 years ago and for some reason we didn’t meet up and it has always been a void in my heart.

Recently we got in touch again, exchanging photos and started to have conversation. And the connection just got deeper and deeper. He is married with kids as well.  

He talked about meeting up and I know it is a wrong thing to do. I tried two times to tell him we cannot meet and we should talk less.  But somehow, we couldn’t resist talking to each other.

So my heart is torn. One part of me wants to meet him and see if there is attraction between us. Another part of me knows this is a very bad thing to do and I ought to stop.  

I tried to work with my husband by communicating more. we even tried some complaint- free exercise with each other. But I still feel there is a distance or wall between us.  My husband is a very loving dad, but he cares his son the most and sometimes I feel very lonely since we do not talk much.  

He is also an alcoholic who needs his wine every night. I tried to persuade him to drink less and maybe we could go on a date. We haven’t had any intimacy for 2 years (ever since my son was born). Once we tried to make a date night and have sex, but I didn’t feel anything and I cried afterwards.

Please Evan, what should I do?

R                 

There’s so much wrong with this email that I’m not …