April, 2019

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Posted by: | Posted on: April 30, 2019

What An Asshole Looks Like

What An Asshole Looks Like

Here’s something you see almost daily, especially while driving: the drifter and texter.

I would say if you count the amount of times you see this happen, you would run out of fingers on your hands and toes.

There are a few versions of these clueless assholes: There’s the walker texter, there’s the elevator texter, and there’s the person who really doesn’t give a shit if anybody else is there, because they need to get that text in.

Well, that person just starts drifting into a light. They see the red light, they grab their precious phone, their slimy, greasy iPhone screen that’s never clean, it’s like a borderline for bacteria and leprosy.

They know that there’s a red light coming up, so they’ll start slowing down, and then they’ll put their head in the position of downward motion, a position that only used to be reserved for cunnilingus and blowjobs.

Anyway, they’ll usually leave at least three or four car lengths ahead. They tend to be the person you need to honk at to wake up, because they still have to get that text or Instagram post or whatever the fuck it is in.

Then you have another version: the walker texter. Walking down a busy city street with not a clue that anybody else is around. They’ll just walk right into you if you allow it. Why?

Because they’ve got to get their text in.

Very, very important to get back to somebody who’s not there. They’re not even part of your current reality, and that’s what makes no sense.

People just spend so much time more concerned with people that aren’t in their current reality than people that are actually in their current reality.

So that’s what a modern asshole looks like.

So today I want you …

Posted by: | Posted on: April 30, 2019

Why Good Relationships Are Easy (And Bad Relationships Take Work!)

Why Good Relationships Are Easy (And Bad Relationships Take Work!)

Over the past few weeks since you saw my Pyramid of Love, I’ve read your questions, comments and emails. You’re always as honest with me as I am with you.

You’ve told me how much men have disappointed you.

You’ve told me you’re wary of taking a chance and opening your heart again.

You’ve told me you’re looking for a shortcut to immediately let you know if a guy is a player, slacker, jerk, or alcoholic.

With such men…

You will constantly cry.

You will constantly fight.

You will constantly be disappointed.

You will constantly question yourself.

You will constantly agonize about where things are going.

You will constantly obsess how you can love someone so much and be so unhappy.

All those relationship issues force me to ask you a tough question.

If your boyfriend doesn’t consistently make you feel safe and happy, why are you in the relationship at all?

That may knock you sideways a bit. In fact, it may be difficult to admit to yourself:

You’ve hung onto the wrong men for your entire adult life.

In fact, that tenacity is a quality you took pride in – being able to push through, hold on tight and try to work things out with your partner.

Yet no relationship you’ve ever worked hard at has EVER lasted. Has it?

All relationships take some effort, but when that effort starts to feel like actual workyour relationship is not serving its purpose.

When I look at my happy marriage and the happy marriages of my clients, those relationships all have one overriding quality:

They’re EASY.

If that sounds hard to believe, that’s because you’ve never chosen an easy relationship before.

For you, love has always meant arguments, ups and downs and insecurity.

Or maybe you’re used …

Posted by: | Posted on: April 27, 2019

Two Quick Tests to Figure Out if Your Guy is a Keeper

Two Quick Tests to Figure Out if Your Guy is a Keeper

What? You didn’t get a chance to watch my Facebook Live on Thursday?

Was it because you were too busy? Was it because you had too much work?

Listen, I understand that a smart, busy woman like you has a life outside of me.

Still, you missed out on some really powerful stuff.

Listen, I understand that a smart, busy woman like you has a life outside of me. Still, you missed out on some really powerful stuff.

And since you’re not the only busy woman on my list, I’m giving you access to a replay of How You Can Attract Better Men and Get the Right One to Want to Commit.

In about an hour, you’ll learn:

  •  How to stop ignoring your feelings of anxiety and set healthy boundaries with men.
  •  Why you should ALWAYS give a good boyfriend the benefit of the doubt – and break up with anyone who’s not a good boyfriend.
  •  How to talk with him when you’re upset without attacking and making him upset.
  •  The incredible power of acceptance and why you should NEVER try to change a man.
  •  The psychological phenomenon “habituation” and how it’s silently KILLING your relationships.
  •  What compatibility is, what it is not, and why it’s just as important as chemistry.
  •  What qualities you should compromise on, and which qualities you should NEVER compromise on.
  •  Two quick tests to help you evaluate your relationship and figure out if he has what it takes to make you happy forever.
  • Remember, you came to me for a reason: to help you understand men, to give you the tools to date successfully, and to help you attract a great guy who treats you like gold.

It all starts now.

Click here to watch my highly entertaining and educational video and get the confidence

Posted by: | Posted on: April 25, 2019

You Don’t Want to Miss This

You Don’t Want to Miss ThisTime is running out!

Okay, so that’s a bit of an overstatement.

Time isn’t running out.

You can find love at 38, 48, 58, 68 or 78.

I see proof of this every day from happy readers and clients.

But, as you already recognize from, dating DOES get tougher as you get older, which is the very reason to TAKE ACTION NOW.

And as you’ll see in a few hours, there ARE strategies for attracting better men (and repelling worse men) that you can use immediately.

And as you’ll see in a few hours, there ARE strategies for attracting better men (and repelling worse men) that you can use immediately.

On a personal note, I am brimming with excitement to connect with you.

I’ve got my 27” iMac bolted to my standing desk.

I’ve got my Yeti mic plugged in for better sound.

I’ve got my “script” prepared with some new ideas I’ve been preparing for you.:

  •      How to stop ignoring your feelings of anxiety and set healthy boundaries with men.
  •      The psychological phenomenon “habituation” and how it’s silently KILLING your relationships.
  •      What compatibility is, what it is not, and why it’s just as important as chemistry.

All you have to do is meet me on Facebook at 5:30pmPST/8:30pmEST to get some priceless advice about improving your relationships and making good men stick around.

At the end of the event, I’m going to tell you about the opportunity to join me in Love U – with weekly live coaching – and meet the man who “gets you” in the next six months.

And who knows? Maybe I’ll get an email from you that sounds a lot like the ones you’ve been reading at the end of all of my emails…

Here are the details of tonight’s big live event once …

Posted by: | Posted on: April 20, 2019

How You Can Attract Better Men and Get the Right One to Want to Commit.

How You Can Attract Better Men and Get the Right One to Want to Commit.

Mattie is 54.

She’d been married twice – including the most recent one for 22 years – and has had a few short-term relationships after her divorce.

All of her trial and error led Mattie to believe that something was wrong with her – that it was her fault these men were not sticking around.

You’ve probably experienced the same thing.

After a certain number of dates, you tend to internalize these ideas:

  1.   There’s something wrong with me.
  2.   There’s something wrong with men.

That’s what Mattie thought when she came to me.

Then she started embracing my coaching philosophies from Love U:

What happened next was a 180-degree turnaround from her previous 54 years:

Since I was 16 years old, I’ve longed for a lifetime love, someone who loves me as deeply as I love him. But all my relationships failed. Too many times, I fell fast and hard and loved a man more than he loved me. Or, I just never liked him very much.

I’m not a materially wealthy woman but I’ve been basically content with my life…However, when I started online dating, I did so knowing I’d achieved every major goal I’d set for myself—except one. I still had not found a true life partner.

Eventually, it became clear to me that your advice is the bomb. You don’t suggest dating gimmicks, tricks and formulas. Instead, you helped me understand how men think. Your book, “Why He Disappeared,” showed me all the mistakes I’d been making with men, including the two partners I’d briefly dated after separating and including my ex-husband who I married after a two-month courtship—before we really knew each other.

“Finding the One Online” prompted me to get professional photos taken and to rewrite my dating profile. As a result, not a week

Posted by: | Posted on: April 18, 2019

Why I Don’t Remember Your Name

Why I Don’t Remember Your Name

Do you ever run in and see somebody that you know you know?

You instantly feel something for them, a sense of attraction or sense of familiarity, but you just can’t place it. You think, well maybe that’s just somebody I want to know.

Then all of a sudden, you start talking to them and you realize you do know them. They look at you, they smile because they know you. But, you don’t remember where you know them from. But you know they’re a good person. You know that you’ve shared some type of moment with them.

But, you don’t remember where or when.

I have met so many people in my life that occasionally I’ll run into somebody and I don’t remember where I know them from. I could’ve gone out on a date with them years back.

It could’ve been somebody who was in one of my bigger seminars.

I like to talk to them and have a wonderful connection with them because I have met so many people in my life, but I don’t remember everybody or even how I first met them.

But, here is something that I do know.

It’s a feeling that I have.

If I run into somebody that I don’t remember exactly where I shared a moment with them or how I know them, I have a feeling. That feeling connects me to them. I know they’re a good person.

I know that I’ve had a moment with them in the past.

I have a gentle, warm feeling all over even if I can’t remember exactly where and when we had our moment.

But, it’s interesting. People will leave me with an everlasting feeling. That’s really what matters. It’s not the details that matter, but it’s the energy that you have …

Posted by: | Posted on: April 18, 2019

(Video) The Secret to Getting a Man to Love You

(Video) The Secret to Getting a Man to Love You

You and I may disagree on a few things, but I hope we can agree on this:

Some people live in a black and white world, but the world is not black and white.

Believe me, I understand the appeal of black and white thinking.

It’s simpler. It’s cleaner. You don’t have to understand anyone else’s feelings.

All you know is if someone disagrees with you, he’s WRONG.

The problem, of course, is that black and white thinking creates friction out in the real world, where there are a lot of bright, ethical people with different worldviews.

I was thinking about this when I was making the Need vs. Needy video I shared a couple of days ago.

I was well aware that I could potentially offend some black and white thinkers, but it was too important to me to present a more nuanced view about the concept of need.

In short, everyone has needs.

If your needs are excessive, you may unintentionally come across as “needy” – which is usually unattractive and draining.

Thus, the most effective way to be with a man is “vulnerable.” Being vulnerable allows you to share your thoughts and feelings openly without driving men away.

Thus, the most effective way to be with a man is “vulnerable.” Being vulnerable allows you to share your thoughts and feelings openly without driving men away.

Since you value vulnerability in men – as opposed to weak men or standoffish men – it’s important to recognize that men value vulnerability, too.

Once you lead with trust, authenticity, and vulnerability, you will attract more men, connect with more men, and be able to find a boyfriend fast.

There’s only one problem about finding a boyfriend fast.

You have no idea where your story is going to end up.

It’s …

Posted by: | Posted on: April 16, 2019

(Video) The Reason You Attract Men Who Treat You Poorly

(Video) The Reason You Attract Men Who Treat You Poorly

At this point I hope you’ve had the chance to read the Love U Pyramid of Love.

Many of you wrote back to tell me how much those lessons resonated – and how painful it is to look back at all the crap you’ve put up with from men.

But there’s a big difference between realizing you’ve acted insecure in the past and understanding how to correct that behavior in the future.

That’s what I’m here for.

And what I love about my readers is that you are not shy about asking me to address what’s on your mind the most: how to identify good men and get rid of bad ones. Recent emails to me include:

  • How do you decipher the men that are looking for a real relationship vs. the ones looking for a one-night stand?
  • How can I be sure the man that comes on strong is a man is not a player and wants to build a relationship?
  • Why didn’t he felt connected with me since he showed signs of being in love?
  • What makes men commit to some women and not others?
  • How do you know when you’ve met the “right” guy?

Believe it or not, there are answers to all of these questions – and I’m going to share them shortly.

But I’ve gotta tell you: as a dating coach, I probably do the same thing that you do every day: observe common patterns and try to make sense of them.

Doctors do this. Lawyers do this. Finance people do this. Teachers do this. Dog trainers do this. We look for behavioral patterns and adjust to them.

Tell me if this pattern sounds familiar to you:

You fall for a guy based on chemistry and common interests.

He makes a great effort to …

Posted by: | Posted on: April 15, 2019

The Love U Pyramid of Love

The Love U Pyramid of Love

I don’t know about you, but I’m a lifelong learner.

My wife even mentioned it in our wedding vows – I’m the guy who is always trying to become a better husband, father, coach, businessman, and human being.

As such, I’ve embraced the idea that learning is a process – often, a slow and humbling one.

  •      You have to learn to put your face in the water before you become a competitive swimmer.
  •      You have to practice your scales before you can play a song on the piano.
  •      You have to study for the LSAT before you become a partner at the law firm.

None of this is surprising. You start with a limited base of knowledge, and, through repeated practice, build your skills up accordingly.

In the late ‘60’s, this learning process was described as “the four stages of competence”:

  1.    Unconscious incompetence – “you don’t know what you don’t know.”
  2.    Conscious incompetence – you know what you don’t know, but aren’t sure how   to do it.
  3.    Conscious competence – you know how to do it, but the skill requires      concentration and commitment.

When you’re consciously competent, you can legitimately call yourself a swimmer, a pianist or a lawyer. However, there’s one more phase of competence for those who aim higher.

  1.    Unconscious competence – your skill is second nature and do it without thinking.

If you’ve been at your job for over ten years, you’re probably “unconsciously competent” at it. As a dating coach for the past fifteen years, I’d like to think that describes me as well.

If you’ve been at your job for over ten years, you’re probably “unconsciously competent” at it. As a dating coach for the past fifteen years, I’d like to think that describes me as well.

But could I be a swimmer, pianist …

Posted by: | Posted on: April 11, 2019

I Want My Boyfriend to Show Me More Support and Affection

I Want My Boyfriend to Show Me More Support and Affection

It’s generally not my style to link to other  advice columnists, but my friend, Lori Gottlieb, author of the new book,“Maybe You Should Talk to Someone”  does such an incredible job that it feels like a dereliction of duty to keep her to myself.

In this post from her Ask a Therapist column in The Atlantic, Gottlieb takes a question from a woman who has a three-year relationship with a man who is not as emotionally supportive and affectionate as she’d like. A snippet:

“Recently, I’ve also been dealing with feelings of anxiety, loneliness, and depression and have been reaching out to him for support. He’s worried, and tells me he wants to help but doesn’t know how. It does mean a lot to know he wants to help, but I want him to figure out how best to support me–both because I would love if he were more solicitous and because it would reduce his stress as a partner to someone in need.

How do we address this issue in a positive, active way? Do you have specific advice you could give him on being a supportive partner to somebody in an emotional crisis?”

Here are some of the highlights of Gottlieb’s response:

One thing I tell many couples when they first come in for therapy is that the more one person believes that his or her partner should be different, the less initiative he or she will take to change things. Most people come in making a case for why the other person needs to improve. Spoiler: That never helps…

Of course, you want your boyfriend’s love and support, but what I think you can’t see right now is that he’s giving you both: He’s checking in on you, sharing his concern, and asking you