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There’s an old joke that starts off, how are you today?
And the person goes, do you really want to know?
And the answer always is no.
I live my life with the intention to live it to the fullest. I handle the cards that are dealt to me, and I accept and make the most of it.
When my mother was a young woman, she lost my brother.
My brother was 10 months old, I was about two and a half.
He died of pneumonia.
My mother so wanted it to be SIDS, but in reality, it was really just pneumonia. She didn’t check on him, he was coughing, and he passed away an hour later.
A tragedy in every which way. One that greatly affected my childhood on so many levels.
When I was five and a half, my mother decided that she couldn’t deal with the pain anymore of what her life was, and decided to try to end it.
My mother and I talked about this very freely before she passed away, so it’s not a wound to me at all. It’s actually a chance to really prove a point and really give you a perspective on what life truly is.
My mother went 65 miles an hour into a parked car. The car was broken down in the left-hand lane, and my mother did not stop. There were no skid-marks. Four more cars piled up behind us, and my mother for the rest of her life, had major back issues.
I developed scoliosis from the impact of that car wreck. You’ll see pictures of me before the car wreck and after the car wreck, and I’m off to an angle. This was the ’60s. There was no chiropractors, nobody really looked at my …
That’s right, I said it.
There’s a lot of millennial bashing going on.
Generalizations about millennials.
And as with any generalization, there’s going to be some truth to it.
Granted, millennials grew up and they got participation trophies and a lot of them didn’t learn to compete athletically, because everybody got to play, which I think is a hindrance to how you develop as a man.
There are thoughts that a lot of them are lazy, and they all just want to get rich because they’ve seen other people do it on Youtube and Instagram.
Is that their fault?
Well, it’s the generation that they grew up in, so what you see and how you grow up is how you want to dream as well.
I remember back in 1986 or 1987, there were people that would come into the bar that I was bartending at, and they would say how much they hated yuppies. Yuppies were cocky, arrogant men and women who were kicking ass in finance and advertising and other things. They drove nice cars, they did cocaine, whatever it might be.
There was always an older generation that said how much they hated that yuppies didn’t have to work as hard as they did, and they always had generalizations.
Well, I’m the older generation now, and I don’t think millennials are that awful.
As a matter of fact, I love millennials.
All generations have their faults and their faults derive from how they grew up.
Millennials are, generally, socially lazy.
They’d rather swipe than actually talk to people.
Well, they grew up that way.
They grew up texting.
They grew up on AOL Instant Messenger.
They grew up on social media, so of course when that is shoved in front of their face 24/7, why do they …
Jenna Birch interviewed me again for Shape Magazine and Yahoo Health in 2015, and I was delighted to learn that she wrote a book called “The Love Gap: A Radical Way to Win in Life and Love.” I can’t vouch for the book itself but I really love this excerpt I read on Psychology Today and wanted to share it with you.
“After looking into the mating preferences of more than 5,000 men and women by way of survey, researcher and biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., writes that we are seeing a “Clooney Effect” in this country – a nod to the recent marriage of America’s favorite bachelor, actor George Clooney, to human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin. According to Fisher’s numbers, men desire smart, strong, successful women; 87 percent of men said they would date a woman who was more intellectual than they were, who was better educated, and who made considerably more money than they did, while 86 percent said they were in search of a woman who was confident and self-assured.”
Sounds all well and good. Except, as you know, there’s a gap between what men say they want in theory and what they actually want in practice.
“Men only think they know what they want – or they know what they want in theory, not what they’d choose when put to the test IRL. “Men seem to be influenced less by their ideal partner preferences and more by their emotions or feelings at the moment,” she says. “Specifically, when men were outperformed by a woman in a domain that they cared about – intelligence – they felt threatened, assessed by diminished self-ratings of masculinity, which then led them to act in a way counter to what their expressed ideal preferences were.” In other words, these guys …
I am a 25-year old woman living in North Carolina. I’ve been with my loving, consistent boyfriend (also 25) for a year now and I’ve been impressed with how easy and natural the relationship is. We live separately but see each other at least 2-3x/week and have keys to each other’s places. However, we spent the holidays together this year and it’s become apparent his family and childhood issues still haunt him.
His parent’s awful marriage and a genetic predisposition for mental illness left him in bad shape. I have no room to judge as the anxious child of a bitter divorce, but after 3 years of therapy and dozens of self help books I know I’ve done my part to become a healthy person and partner. He went to therapy as a child and a few times in college, but since then hasn’t been back.
Even though he has always been emotionally available, some of his habits make me want to ask him to see a therapist. He gets jealous even though he’s never been cheated on, and if he has one too many beers, feelings and tears usually follow. He often agonizes over what people think of him and will go to events he doesn’t even like so friends won’t be upset (and expects me to attend). When I ask him why he’s like this, he’s very self aware and explains to me how he’s feeling and why he feels that way. For example, he has jealousy issues from witnessing his father’s affairs growing up.
I love him and want to accept him as he is, but is it fair to ask him to go to therapy and at least try to work through these issues? If so, how can I approach the subject without making him feel …
Living in Los Angeles, I have been around plastic surgery.
The other day at the gym I was watching Kathie Lee Gifford speak.
I look at her 65-year-old face. I look at her 65-year-old body. And I think to myself, that’s a nice body, but what is that alien doing on it.
You look at Joan Rivers, when she was alive. You look at Burt Reynolds.
Look at Cher.
Look at all the women who don’t want to age, and they fuck with their face.
They look like aliens.
Look at them side by side.
What’s the difference?
All these women that don’t want to age look like an alien’s first-born daughter.
They’re like a cross between human and alien.
Let’s not even talk about the things that people do to the rest of their bodies.
Instead of going and working out and losing the weight the right way, they’d rather go get massive liposuction, have six to eight weeks off, and then when they’re finally able to work out again, the fat, from sitting around on their ass, for six to eight weeks has deposited somewhere else.
Of course they get frustrated, and then, the next year they go back to the plastic surgeon’s office and get that off which in turn makes the fat move to the next area. Google it. You’ll see I’m right. It’s amazing how many people would rather take the plastic surgery shortcut than actually do the hard work.
All plastic surgery does is give you a reason to be lazier.
If you’ve got the money you just think, well, a little nip, a little tuck here, I’ll be fine.
But the problem is a little nip, and little tuck there makes the fat not come back to the spot where it was, it …
There are two things that I truly believe in life:
- To remain consistent, and
- To truly live an authentic life.
You must be truthful about who you are.
I know we live in a society now where we can be a super hero versions of ourselves and post ridiculous comments on Facebook and other places to make us larger than life, better than we are.
I know online dating. Most people lie, post pictures of themselves that are younger, skinnier, whatever it might be.
But, the only way you will ever grow is if you’re truthful about yourself.
All the time, you meet somebody and tell them you used to be something.
I used to be successful.
I used to be really thin.
I used to be happier.
I used to take care of myself and eat healthy.
But yet, the person you are right now is none of the above.
The other person believes you. But, the question is: are you really being truthful about what you used to be?
We have this ridiculous habit as human beings to manufacture the past.
We like to change the past in a lot of different ways.
We like to change up the past in relationships. Sometimes we romanticize the past. We think we should be with somebody that we used to be with. We remember only the good, but not the bad. Not the truth.
And, we do the same thing with ourselves.
For instance, you may have never been in great shape your entire life, and yet, compared to how you are now, you used to be in great shape. You understand where the dysfunction works in this manner.
Taking this as an example, maybe you’re not in good physical condition. Maybe you’re overweight, maybe you’re muscles are not toned. …
I’m well-aware that criticism comes with the territory of writing for the internet. The fact that there are 130,000 comments on my blog should be a decent indicator of how much dissent I allow (pretty much everything except personal insults). I also know that it would be impossible for any reader to have a full understanding of my marriage; it’s all mediated through blog posts, videos, etc. But since I use my marriage as an example of the kind of marriage I wish for you to have, I believe it’s fair for you to want to know whether I’m some sort of bullshit artist or a guy who actually walks his own walk.
And while I haven’t done this for a long time, an individual comment on this recent blog post just rubbed me the wrong way. Since I couldn’t shake the feeling, I figured this would be a great opportunity to explain myself to anyone who may have the same perceptions as this reader about me and my “uninspiring” marriage.
And, by “explain myself,” I mean, I brought in my wife to directly address each of the partially-true, partially misguided claims below. She’s more diplomatic than I am but I do love that she comes out swinging.
“I fear I must say what many other women are afraid to say and it’s that you don’t come off as good husband material initially either. I think you can not see this about yourself and only see what a super great catch you are.
– You spoke about how you had about 300 dates in 10 years; sorry but according to the math that’s only about 2 dates a month; low numbers. I bring that up because
– You said you Never had a relationship last longer than …
I want to explain fear to you.
Fear is the overwhelming emotion that conquers you when you’re trying to get past something.
We have “here-we-go-again” syndrome that comes in with fear, and it’s really powerful.
Here we go again.
I can’t believe this happened to me again.
Then the emotions come out.
We get all tight inside.
We have the feeling of impeding doom.
No matter how hard we’ve studied something, no matter how hard we prep, there’s always going to be something that triggers fear within us.
It’s a really big challenge, and it’s probably one of the biggest challenges that we will have as human beings.
I’ve been coaching you guys for 20 years, and you always say, “Well David, it’s so easy for you.”
It is. I can go talk to any girl, any place, any time.
It’s a piece of cake. I don’t even think about it.
There’s no anxiety.
If I want to talk to somebody, I talk to them.
It’s just another human being.
We’re just going to have an interaction and see what happens from there.
I have a lot of empathy and compassion. That’s why, for all these years, I’ve been a great coach for you guys who are struggling with trying to make a move on the opposite sex.
Now, trading is my venture. My new challenge. I enjoy this challenge. It’s great. But it’s frustrating as hell.
I pretty much break even every week. Now, you think, “Oh wow, that sucks. You put all this time in and you’re just breaking even?”
But in reality, that’s a win. It’s a huge, huge, huge win.
I mean, I haven’t been live trading for a year yet. I started in July of 2018.
Since Thanksgiving, I’m down a whole $650. That’s it. …
I am shattered from bad relationships. I’ve just finished my seventh long term relationship and I’m only 37.
The man before this last one died unfortunately from cancer and left me with a newborn baby. I took nearly four years to pull myself together after this and then met a man online.
I followed all of your advice and I thought I had found the greatest man. He was charming, kind, considerate, a gentleman and happy to take myself and my son on.
It was next to perfect for a year and then it started to change. He started to make little mean comments about my son which got to me. For example, his ears stuck out or what kind of genes does he have when he was old one day.
I started to worry about this and I talked to him and he said he would stop. However then I realized he was telling me small little white lies but I soon found out he was telling big ones too.
I’ve finished it with him after a year and five months. I’m absolutely deflated. I thought it was finally my time to marry again have another child. I thought it was coming together for me with a wonderful caring man.
I see now he’s a narcissist who was manipulating me. I could only see his good points at the beginning. Luckily, I took on your advice not to make a massive commitment with a man until I know him a year. I had not let him move in with me thankfully.
Evan, I’m shattered from relationships. I just don’t know how I could ever let another man in after the lies and deception. He was so good and kind to my son in the beginning and then it suddenly …
I decided to have a quest for 2019.
Glad you asked.
I want to masculate the feminized man.
I’m tired of the MeToo movements, I’m tired of the masculine woman.
Now, don’t get what I say wrong.
If a woman isn’t physically abused, emotionally abused, mentally abused, or any abuse from a man, Bill Cosby, or a Matt Lauer, or any of that stuff, I am strongly on the side of the woman, and I think a man who does that needs to be brought to justice.
But a woman doesn’t always need to air her shit in public and talk about it. To me, that’s a very private thing, a private thing that deserves one-on-one attention, one-on-one help to heal.
You’re not going to heal by pounding MeToo on social media. Not going to happen at all.
And what happens, is you give these feminine men another reason not to be masculine.
You wouldn’t believe the amount of time that I have e-mails from men, literally saying:
You know, I don’t know how to approach women anymore, because if I do approach a woman, it’s going to be a MeToo event.
And I’m going to get in trouble, and I’m going to lose my job, and I’m going to do this.
No, it’s just another excuse that men have come up with to be emasculated, because most women crave and desire a real man to walk over there and talk to them, instead of being approached on an Internet dating site or a dating app.
They’re not going to sit there and put a MeToo all over you, but the fact is these men have become so emasculated and so weak that they use this as another excuse not to be a man.
As I said, the …